I AM NEW TO THIS GAME – A GAME OF SELF AWARENESS

 

I am new to this game, you see I dream paranoia, I thrive on passive emotions and suck in every bit of negative energy there is in my surrounding. I call myself a master painter a well, someone who has literally painted himself in a corner once. I still do it every time because of my habit of getting things off my head, delegation they call it here, but for me this has always been playing in the hands of the wrong type of people. These would be my travels and tales of self, I command my own feelings and take along an aura of so much that must go wrong.

The journey to the inside isn’t the forced fed morsels of food that get in the mouth, chewed and then churned to the gut only to be defecated, right? This is supposed to be some sort of enlightenment, the travels to the abode of God. He resides in the Qalb, and this is also the station of Ruh, the fuel that runs our mortal bodies. When I peep inside, I see and feel pitch darkness, a grave made of slimy stinky material. There is no peace and no serenity but just the rising feeling of a volcanic eruption. I open my eyes and see light, but the abode of Nur is dark. Maybe it’s the outside that’s dark and has dominated my inner self, it’s the outside that’s dilapidated and crumbling and is now overshadowing the beams. Just like the dark clouds of a gathering storm covering the sun. The presence of these clouds does not negate the presence of the sun, rather its our perception that the sun is never there. After it rains, hails and snows, the sun does appear pleasing the onlookers. I need to take this journey to uncover the layers of darkness and I seek a guide. These stories of mine would be an effort to overturn my inside to the outward so I can finally see the light. Help Me, please, now come along and take the trip to the deepest corners of my – self.

First Journey – Stumbling in the darkness

A broken path in a jungle, sounds of critters and nocturnal birds fill the air with sadness. Is there a stream nearby, a dripping stream maybe? One can hear the howls of the wolves and their approach all the way reaching your gut; they would be ready to shred you apart in pieces and slurp the oozing blood off your neck. I slip at every step, its dark and I cannot even see my own hands anymore. There is this flicker of light that’s a sign of my lonely abode and I must reach there before the demons catch up to me.

I have been haunted before by these beasts, I freeze at their impending approach. Shall I proceed and keep moving, is it time for me to fondle the tree trunks and find a refuge? The questions keep coming and the answers were nothing but a result of a relentless self talk. A buzzing in my head that won’t die down or back off.

What do I fear, what are these creatures that create an aura of anxiety all around me, they are:

  • The doomed future
  • Lack of Peace of Mind
  • Bankruptcy
  • Loss of Reputation
  • Living day to day.

Come along and take this ride together and we slay these beasts once and for all.